One of my biggest fears in life is death. I'm afraid to die. I always get a chill whenever I think about the end of my life. I don't know why I would be thinking about it now, but I always do. Even as a kid. It scares me how vivid my imagination is and how far in depth I think about it. I think about how the people I love would react and other people's deaths like my family members, friends, etc. I get so scared thinking about their death because I feel that I just can't live without them. I feel that I can't take anymore harsh realities in life. If someone I cared about were to pass away, I think I would break into billions of tiny pieces and disappear into thin air..

The thought of dying and the thought of how your life's history would be wiped away when u're gone freaks me out. Sure a few years after you die people in your life remembers u, but then when they die as well, u completely disappear from Earth. Nobody would know who you were--it would be as if u never existed.. I don't know why, but that really bothers me. I don't know if anybody knows what I'm talking about here. It might be a little complicated. I just had to write it out and get some of it out of my mind. Hopefully this topic will stop racing in my head. It's kind of like a cycle. It goes away, then comes back, goes away, comes back...

'Til next time.

i think i'm having a quarter life crisis or something. i really don't know what i want to do with my life right now. I know I went into teacher's college, finished it because I've wanted to be a teacher since kindergarten. But right now, I stil kind of feel lost. Where do I want to teach? I've already done so much paper work for Toronto. I got my qualifications evaluated, so I know how much I would get paid now. I got onto the TDSB list. I took a Special Education course. I've done so much. But something inside of me still wonders what it would feel like to teach somewhere else other than Toronto. So earlier, I applied to North Carolina. just for the heck of it. But unfortunately, I failed their Praxis test (some test i had to pass to teach there)..so that's out of the picture. I'm beginning to look at teaching a bit further like Korea. What if I got a call back from Toronto just as I accept Korea? That is my problem right now. Let's just say...then what. I duno if I would kick myself in my butt for it. Or maybe I won't regret it because living away from home would be such a great experience, I would enjoy it a lot. I just feel like I'm in a race to get the first job after I graduate. I hate people asking me if I got a job yet. If I did, I would tell you ok. I would write it on facebook. Then everybody would know. So quit asking me. I think I need a break. Somewhere I can breathe, look out into the ocean, read, draw...and ponder..